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Football Pulse archive - June 2011

VID (30/06): Have you ever wanted to watch Martin Jol dance to the Macarena and the Birdie Song? No? I'm afraid we're going to show it to you anyway. (courtesy of the excellent OffThePost)

VID (30/06): It is nine years today since the 2002 World Cup final between Germany and Brazil in South Korea. Scary. Here's the highlights from Spanish TV, with a commentator who has the lung capacity of a synchronised swimmer. 'Goooooooooooooooooooooooooollllll!'

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VID (29/06): Andre Villas-Boas denied it at this morning's press conference, but the spectre of Jose Mourinho will follow him around the Stamford Bridge corridors as he settles in to the Chelsea hotseat. This video proves it. 'They are trying to get my job,' he complains.

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VID (28/06): Former Manchester City captain Mike Doyle passes away at the age of 64, re-live one of his goals against old foes United when pitches were muddy and a referee had their own secret hand movements. The good old days.

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VID (27/06): This one isn't for the squeamish. Anderlecht's Jan Leckjak falls on his own arm, bending it at a sickening, freakish angle, during the Euro U21s third-place play-off (unearthed by Who Ate All The Pies). Ouch.

VID (27/06): Hartlepool fans can buy a season ticket for £100, which, coincidentally, seems to have been the budget for this shocking promotional video.

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VID (25/06): Forget Becks and Thierry, this is why we love the MLS. After robbing the ball from New York goalkeeper Greg Sutton, Seattle's Roger Levesque celebrates his tap-in with a scuba dive off the advertising board. Genius.

STORY (25/06): Criminals, crooks, thieves and the mafia. Read this bizarre statement released on Hearts' official website.

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VIDEO (23/06): Nothing, surely, can compete with this for the title of 'most bizarre sending off ever'? Aaron Ecclestone of Melbourne side Old Hill Wanderers Reserves is dismissed for having his penis pierced - something the referee insists upon inspecting in the dressing room - before hauling him back on the pitch to issue the red card. The full story is here.

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TWITTER (22/06): Yeovil manager Terry Skiverton is using Twitter to help him uncover a few gems. Skint Skiverton can't afford any scouts so wants help from his 2,000 followers. Submit your suggestions here.

STORY (22/06): Zenit St. Petersburg goal-machine Danko Lazovic gives a fan his shirt after his team's 2-0 victory over FC Volga. Nice touch. But the Russian police don't like it and zap Lazovic with a taser - before denying using the electroshock weapon.

VID (22/06): Here's a Chinese pitch invader swinging for the referee who shows neat footwork to dodge his attacker. And what happened to Respect the Referee? With the exception of the No.5, the players just watch on like nothing's happening.

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PIC (21/06): This pic has been doing the rounds today. It 'shows' Stewart Downing holding up a Liverpool scarf alongside Andy Carroll (nice to see him sticking by his booze promise to Capello, by the way). However, the eagle-eyed amongst you may spot the giveaway that this is a fake. There are four left hands in the photo - three on the scarf and one on the lovely barmaid's left shoulder.

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STORY (19/06): Random. That's the only description for this story. Smiths frontman Morrissey apparently wants to hook up with Joey Barton at Glastonbury. Told you.

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STORY (18/06): Stickers featuring the world's finest female players have proved so popular that Panini have been forced to print a million more to cope with high demand. We'll swap you Birgit Prinz for Abby Wambach. Deal?

VID (18/06): They may have failed to win their first two games at the Euro U21 Champs, but Psycho's young Three Lions are looking like world-beaters in training. Pass and move.

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VID (17/06): The play-off draw for the right to play in the Spanish third tier was made this week. The president of one of the clubs involved drew the balls for his side's half of the draw - a strange choice, no? We at The Pulse would never allege wrongdoing, but look at the POINTING into the bowl by the drawmaster! And the GRINNING! And the PUNCHING OF THE AIR!

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STORY (16/06): The denim-style shirt donned by the USA when they hosted the 1994 World Cup was awful, but a lucky escape compared to the tie-dye number they nearly chose.

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VID (14/06):
After threatening to tear Gary Neville's moustache out with his teeth for tweeting Oasis lyrics, what will Noel Gallagher make of Wayne Rooney's slightly-worse-for-wear karaoke rendition of Wonderwall? There's some Beatles at the start of the clip, just to make it worse.

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STORY (13/06):
Tragedy struck at the family home of former Aston Villa misfit striker Savo Milosevic over the weekend when the former Serbia international's father was shot dead by his own dad.

PICS (13/06): This is what Dirk Kuyt and Klaas-Jan Huntelaar got up to when they went clubbing together while on holiday in Rio. Footballers? Brazilian girls? What else were you expecting?

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STORY (12/06): Kenny Dalglish's spending habits are lurching out of control, reports The Daily Mash.

VID (12/06): We're not fond of quoting Paul Merson, but the The Pulse can only descrbe this goal by Eric Hassli of Vancouver Whitecaps as 'a worldy'.

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VID (11/06): Losing any penalty shootout is devastating. But to lose one in this fashion really must be hideous. Check out the most bizarre winning spot kick for Termeno in a promotion play-off against Dro in the seventh tier of the Italian league.

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VID (10/06): The recently retired Gary Neville is looking to carve out a new career in baseball. But he'll have to improve his pitching technique if he wants to join the Chicago White Sox roster. Take cover!

STORY (10/06): Arsenal fans will be horrified to learn what goes on behind closed doors at Abou Diaby's digs after the midfielder blabbed about his wardrobe secrets.

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VID (09/06): Could Usain Bolt be Fergie's secret weapon to stop Barcelona ruling Europe? According to the fastest man on the planet, he reckons he's good enough to play for Manchester United when he hangs up his running spikes. And we think he's actually being serious.

PIC (09/06): Did you hear the one about Wayne Rooney, Andy Carroll and erm, Gary McAllister, going on holiday together in Barbados...

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STORY (08/06): If you are one of Rio Ferdinand's 1.15m followers on Twitter, or indeed one of Mirror hack Oliver Holt's 40,000 disciples, you'll know all about their rather nasty spat that got the football Twittersphere raging overnight. After a jibe about Rio's 2003 missed drugs test in his paper, Ferdinand sent a profane private message to the journalist, calling him a 'fat prick'. Holt made this public. Rio was furious. Here's Holt's column this morning, explaining, but not exactly calming, the furore.

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STORY (07/06): New Fulham boss Martin Jol has two brothers. One is Dick, a Fifa-accredited international referee. The other is Cock, his former assistant at Hamburg. And you thought Danny Shittu had it bad.

STORY (07/06): Newcastle are a step closer to a team full of Taylors, with Swansea left-back Neil set to join Steven and Ryan at St James' Park. Mike Ashley might have his heart set on this bizarre record set by an Italian amateur side where all the players, and even the doctor and club secretary, shared the surname 'De Feo'.

VID (07/06): More evidence that we need goal-line technology - and competent officials - after this 'goal' is remarkably disallowed in Argentina.

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VID (06/06): In the wake of the weekend's further allegations about Ryan Giggs and his brother's missus, he may well look back on this video and cringe at the bitter irony of it all. Then again, he's probably got bigger things to fret about.

TWEET (06/06): "Little Jack Warner, backed in a corner, threatened to pipe up & squeal. Along came Blatter, with used bills from Qatar, and cut him into the deal." 'BeardedGenius' lives up to his name with an inspired and much-retweeted Fifa limerick on Twitter.

STORY (06/06): OK, sorry, it's not football, but this is superb.

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VID (05/06): La Liga side Valencia don't seem to have grasped the concept of marketing in an advert for their new kit launch. You'll notice a distinct lack of product placement as the players of Los Che decide to bare all.

VID (05/06): Is your team struggling to sell season tickets? Well take a leaf out of Getafe's book and create the most depressing advert ever which includes a suicidal koala bear. That will shift them...

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PIC (04/06): Man City striker Edin Dzeko is trapped in a Romanian sandwich after being studded in the face and crotch simultaneously during Bosnia's Euro 2012 qualifying defeat.

STORY (04/06):
Not keen on following in the headsteps of Sir Bobby's famous comb-over, Wayne Rooney is having secret treatment to grow his hair back.

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TWITTER (02/06): Catfight! Imogen Thomas is copping flak from all sides, including the Lady of the Manor of Frodsham. Judy Cisse, wife of Djibril who now plays for Panathinaikos, took time out from shopping for Christian Louboutins and pruning her begonias to give her two penneth on the whole sorry affair, prompting a furious response from the Welsh WAG-worrier.

TWITTER (02/06): Meanwhile Michael Owen and Piers Morgan are also having a ding-dong, after the Man Utd striker admitted he preferred "playing less often in a top team than every game in a poor team." Actually that quote has made a lot of twitter users very very angry.
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VID (01/06): Marco Materazzi sets an example by celebrating Inter's Cup win over Palermo by throwing ice cold water over this unsuspecting presenter and analyst.

PICS (01/06): Hmmmmm now who do I vote for in this Fifa election thingy, it's really tough ?