Football Pulse archive - October 2011

VID (31/10): Remember Norway's contender for the longest-range header ever last month? We have a rival! With a meaty nod of his forehead from behind the halfway line, Ryujiro Ueda scores for Fagiano Okayama against Yokohama FC in Japan.

VID (31/10): Arjan de Zeeuw is happily trotting out an anecdote on the sofa with Ben Shephard and Chris Kamara on Goals on Sunday when he ruins everything with an errant f word.

VID (28/10): John Terry's been in the news this week - and we're using that rather flimsy excuse to dig out this old clip, in which a brave fan asks Terry to write an apology to Wayne Bridge. Big John ain't impressed.

VID (27/10): Now unless you have been living under a rock for the past few years you will be well aware of Mario Balotelli's antics. Here's a very weird reminder anyway of what the Italian striker has been up to. The random decapitated head aside, this is probably how the incidents play out in Mario's mind.

VID (24/10): Goalie Andy Leishman scores from inside his own area as Auchinleck Talbot romp to an 8-1 win over Threave Rovers in the Scottish Cup.

STORY (24/10):
Wayne Rooney probably found it difficult to enjoy his birthday bash last night just hours after Manchester United were humiliated by arch-rivals City - especially after sending Joe Hart and Gareth Barry an invite.

STORY (21/10): After being released by Macclesfield, you could be forgiven for thinking a future in professional football isn't meant to be. But why not knock on Sir Alex Ferguson's door and ask for a trial at Manchester United. You never know, it might just work. Anybody know where Pep Guardiola lives?

VID (21/10):
A ridiculous own goal, Oscar-winning dive and a player kicking his own boot at the linesman. Who says Thursday nights in the Europa League are dull?

VID (19/10): This goal was scored in February, but was only uploaded last week on Manchester City's rather excellent YouTube channel. Academy players don't tend to get much of a look-in at the Etihad Stadium, but Alex Henshall might, if he can repeat this sort of thing.

VID (19/10): AEK v Olympiakos is always an uncompromising, tempestuous fixture. Witness this litte vignette when one player takes a very unusual kind of revenge after being fouled and then shouted at.

VID (18/10): Goalkeepers going the wrong way for a penalty usually implies left or right. Well this keeper went back to front as he refused to save a spot-kick for Vointa Sibiu in their Romanian Liga 1 match against Petrolul Ploiesti. With Vointa 3-1 down in added time and having already had two players sent off, another questionable penalty was awarded. The whole squad, except goalkeeper Remus Danalache, walked off the pitch as Petrolul prepared to take it. Danalache first turned his back, and when the ref insisted the penalty be retaken, he made the minimum effort possible to save it.

VID (17/10):
It's good to see Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini has a sense of humour. Here he boos the press officer who banned questions about Carlos Tevez at a recent Eastlands press conference.

PIC (13/10):
If you ever needed proof that Edin Dzeko is a real handful then French defender Adil Rami provides us with some pretty conclusive evidence. Now that's what you call man marking.

STORY (13/10):
Female fans of Polish side Hutnik Krakow have stripped off for a calendar shoot in order to raise funds for new facilities. 2012 can't come round quick enough in Poland.

PIC (13/10): Oh how the mighty have fallen. Richard Keys and Andy Gray coming to a town possibly near you!

VID (12/10): He's no Keith Moon but Chelsea stopper Petr Cech has made his stage debut as a drummer for Czech band Eddie Stoilow.

STORY (12/10):
Aston Villa defender James Collins has been getting beefed up after training with a steak in his boot in a bizarre attempt to recover from his foot injury.

STORY (11/10): Fifteen years on, Liverpool and Newcastle have recreated their unforgettable 4-3 thriller. But the Magpies, managed by Kevin Keegan and fielding the likes of Alan Shearer, Faustino Asprilla and David Ginola, failed to get revenge as they were spanked 4-1 by the Reds.

VID (11/10):
Ghost goal from the Spanish fourth-tier as Alondras player Fran Fandino sends a looping header through the net - literally - but it's disallowed by the officials who thought the effort missed the target.

STORY (11/10):
Swindon's exuberant boss Paolo Di Canio took a wrong turn while taking part in the town's two-mile fun run on the weekend  - and ended up completing the half marathon instead.

STORY (10/10): "I went to Libya when I played for Middlesbrough and took Gaddafi's two sons out and got them lamped. I also signed this thing in his compound. I think it was a bomb!" Paul Gascoigne recalls one of his booze benders during an interview with Piers Morgan.

VID (10/10):
Malaysian midfielder Kathiripillai Reuben somehow avoids being sent off despite this reckless lunge from behind - on the referee.

VID (10/10): Here's video footage of South Africa mistakenly celebrating qualifying for the African Cup of Nations in a follow-up to yesterday's post about their catastrophic misunderstanding of the rules.

STORY (09/10): After securing a goalless draw at home to Sierra Leone, South Africa indulged in a post-match lap of honour to celebrate qualifying for the African Cup of Nations. But somebody forgot to tell the Bafana Bafana that the group is decided on head-to-head results and not goal difference, meaning the 2010 World Cup hosts embarrassingly missed out on a spot in the 2012 finals.

VID (09/10): Argentine goalkeeper Marcos Fascanella saves five penalties and scores one himself to inspire his fourth-division club Excurionistas to victory in a Copa Argentina tie.

STORY (07/10): Your first port of call when your iPhone 4S arrives should be a new app called 'Eye Mou'. In the game, you try to stab Jose Mourinho in the eye as many times as possible, while Barcelona assistant Tito Vilanova (who received an infamous poke in the peeper from Mourinho earlier this season) looks on contentedly. What's not to like?

STORY (07/10): The ever-marvellous OffThePost have come up with a football-related tribute to late Apple co-founder Steve Jobs.

VID (06/10): Finnish freestyle goalkeeper Lassi Hurskainen is back with another impressive box of tricks, and this time he's opted for a special 'Angry Birds' theme.

VID (05/10): We're a bit late on this one, but if you haven't seen it yet, just check out this goal by Eren Derdiyok for Bayer Leverkusen. Rivaldo, eat your heart out.

STORY (05/10): We've all been there. You've taken your girlfriend to her first ever game, it's 0-0, she's bored, you're irritated and you can't wait for the whole failed indoctrination attempt to end. But wait, you've thought of the perfect way to liven things up! That, surely, is the only explanation for this?

VID (04/10): Could this be the fastest goal ever? Little-known Michail Osinov may be about to hit the record books after scoring straight from kick-off in the third-tier of Russian football last month.

VID (04/10): While we're on the subject of goals being scored from inside your own half, here's Inigo Martinez's stunning strike for Real Sociedad from the weekend.

VID (04/10): Fed up with Granada's defending, Spanish referee Eduardo Gonzalez takes matters into his own hands with a two-footed sliding tackle on Valencia's Sergio Canales. The official wasn't even booked.

STORY (04/10): Steve Kean might be under pressure at Blackburn but the man knows how to draw a squirrel.

VID (03/10): Some goal celebrations are instrinctive, others are pre-rehearsed. And then there's this one from Sweden - featuring a wig, bandana and a broom stashed behind an advertising board. Who says footballers have too much time on their hands?