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Football Pulse Archive - December 2011

The Football Pulse unearths the best videos, stories, tweets and gossip - use the icons above to share with your mates and post your comments at the bottom of the article.

STORY (30/12): Stephen Ireland has so far struggled to make an impact in the Midlands - and we don't think being snapped while smoking a Shisha pipe is going to help him win over the Villa faithful.

VID (29/12): We do like a mass brawl at The Pulse. Bonus points awarded if they involve players, staff and fans and are caused by something as innocuous as a water bottle. When one is thrown at a striker as he's clean through on goal, it causes mayhem at an Iranian league five-a-side match.

PIC (28/12): After being ripped apart by Gareth Bale at Carrow Road, Norwich's defenders were clearly told to get tighter to the Welsh winger. Richie De Laet may have got a little carried away.

VID (23/12): Here's Real Madrid defender Pepe taking time out from collecting yellow cards by baking biscuits to prove he has a sweeter side. Maybe he should prove it by not hacking everybody down.

VID (22/12): Crazy scenes from the Dutch Cup as a pitch invader attacks AZ Alkmaar goalie Esteban Alvarado - but the keeper takes matters into his own hands by using the fan as a chance for some kicking practice.

VID (21/12): Kenny Dalglish wants to bury the hatchet with Sir Alex Ferguson and so decides to phone his old foe to wish him a Happy Christmas.

VID (20/12): Wayne Rooney sticks the boot into Fergie during a Christmas game of charades at The Big United Quiz - but his "Bend It Like Beckham" mime doesn't go down too well with the boss. That'll cost you, Wayne.

VID (19/12): Spectacular own goals are quite common on the Pulse. But we can safely say that we have never seen somebody plant a perfectly-executed scorpion kick past their own keeper. Until now.

PIC (19/12): A plucky Wigan fan gets into the Christmas spirit by wearing a turkey on her head to keep warm during the Latics' 1-1 draw with Chelsea. We're hearing that the hat is replacing snoods as the must have fashion accessory this winter.

VID (16/12): Watch closely here as Benfica manager Jorge Jesus rushes out of his technical area to bellow instructions at his goalkeeper Artur late in the game against Sporting. And then.... check out what Artur, presumably following instructions, does next. Unedifying, to say the least.

VID (15/12): Regardless of whether or not Ashley Cole sang "Thursday nights, Channel 5" to the Man City team, it's catching on like wildfire. Here is Jim Rosenthal and Stan Collymore picking up where Ashley (allegedly) left off.

VID (15/12): One of the thrills of football is seeing your team break forward from the back and scoring on the counter. Here's how not to do it.

STORY (14/12): It comes as no surprise that Ashley Cole was the player who started the tunnel bust-up after Chelsea's 2-1 win over Manchester City on Monday. What is surprising is that his comment that ignited the flare-up was actually quite witty.

VID (13/12): Nicklas Bendtner is 'f***ing arrogant' and 'stupid'. Not the opinion of The Pulse, but that of staff at a Danish pizza parlour frequented late in the evening by the Sunderland striker. He stumbled in, without any form of payment, demanding to be fed free pizza. "Don't you know who I am? I could buy the whole pizerria!" he opined. Here's the video evidence.

PIC (13/12): How did The Guardian rate the performances of Joe Hart, Pablo Zabaleta and Vincent Kompany at Chelsea last night? I guess we'll never know.

VID (09/12): Mr. Lover Lover Andy Carroll celebrates ending his barren run in front of goal by engaging in a steamy clinch with Arsenal goalkeeper Lukas Fabianski in what is being dubbed the Fifa 12 'sex tape' after an unfortunate glitch in the computer game.

VID (07/12): He played for Barcelona, won over 50 caps for Argentina and probably has a trophy cabinet bigger than Pulse HQ, but just like the rest of us, Juan Roman Riquelme can still get tackled by a football. She fell over!

STORY (07/12): Man Utd outcast Dimitar Berbatov has been pipped to the Bulgarian Football of the Year award... by Prime Minister Boyko Borisov who sometimes plays as a forward for third division side Vitosha Bistritsa.

VID (06/12): Want to see some ex-Premier League stars being electrocuted? Well, of course you do! Jan Aage Fjortoft, Lars Bohinen and Claus Lundekvam are just some of the victims of two Norwegian reality TV pranksters.

VID (05/12): After scoring a penalty against Juventus, Napoli's Marek Hamsik goes slightly over the top by celebrating down a flight of stairs before returning and cupping his ears. But to the Old Lady's delight, his exuberant celebration is cut short as he's forced to retake the spot kick - and you can all guess what happened next.

VID (02/12): This is a corker. It's what the kids would no doubt refer to as a 'double overhead kick fail'. The hapless protagonists are Mushaga Bakenga and Jonas Svensson of Rosenborg.

VID (01/12): Kenny Dalglish rings up his great rival Sir Alex Ferguson to wish him a happy Christmas, but their mutual antipathy soon rears its ugly head. Legal note: just in case anyone's in doubt - this isn't real (it is, however, very funny).

VID (01/12): A suspiciously old clip, but a beauty nonethless. Referee collapses dramatically after being struck on the head by.... an apple core.