albums and tracks

Editor's rating

Ah, they're back. It's like when you've locked all the doors, disconnected the phone, lit some scented candles, poured out a glass of wine, taken a deep breath and settled back slowly into a nice hot bath of vomit.

Simultaneously everything you were expecting and infinitely worse, The Love Album is an assault so cynical that it is as if anyone stupid enough to buy it is being asked to run really fast into a fist and then has the price of a CD stolen off them.

It contains every ingredient of every other Westlife album, the same lazy harmonies over sub-karaoke orchestral backing (every musician involved should be thoroughly ashamed), pointless key changes, the tiresome works.

In a world where Jamie Oliver can be sainted for telling kids that gulping down oil will make them fat, isn't it time someone did the same for this repulsive, wallet-emptying toss? It robs the listener of taste and dignity.

It's uncertain which is worse, hearing already dubious tracks like 'Total Eclipse Of The Heart' or 'Love Can Build A Bridge' getting the treatment or songs like 'Easy' and 'You Are So Beautiful (To Me)' that had a hint of soul about them before they were turned into a vessel for money-making.

Knowing that it will inevitably reach No.1 is as depressing as sitting naked and alone in your rapidly cooling bath of vomit in a bedsit, while listening to a philosophy lecture on the utter futility of human existence.

Jon Horsley